For Mattie

Mattie Louis Patterson

My Aries Angel

Even in spirit I can feel your vibration. 

When my eyes close, I see you.

My heart beats for yours.

Your personality lives through mine.

To carry any trait of yours, is an honor that I hold.

 

One lingering wish is to know you as you were when you were my age,

In this pivotal moment of self-discovery and awakening womanhood. 

I often wonder if we've traveled similar paths,

Or if our journeys are aligned.

I often wonder what guidance you'd give

What life lessons you'd share.

 

When I'm at odds with my thoughts and my emotions

I ask myself, "What would Mommie say?"

"What would Mommie do?"

Would you tell me that this is a part of my purpose?

Would you say that I need to trust my path? 

Or would you tell me just to stop...and listen to my heart?

 

This heart that beats as yours,

THAT is where all these answers lie. 

These courageous women that have appeared in my life,

These peers and elders that have harmoniously woven their magic with mine,

I know that you've sent them my way.

I know that they deliver your messages.

I know that they awaken my light.

I know that light comes from You.

 

I will forever thank you for your presence, 

The feeling keeps me alive.

These feelings keeps you alive.

I love you.

   Facebook Post, April 1,     2017 (your birthday)      I often think about those times we spent together watching TV Land, doing crossword puzzles, taking trips to Hi Neighbor where you'd always let me pick my own snack before we left. I think about sitting [in the same spot every time] with you at the Southern Jags football games and how everyone just loved Ms. Mattie. I think about your bold sassy personality and how I didn't understand it until I was much older. I remember how stylish you always were and how I loved going through your jewelry. I remember getting my hair washed in your sink and hot combed sitting on those high chairs by the counter. I remember you used to collect bells from every state that you'd traveled to. It seemed like you had a million of them in that case, but realistically it was probably about 20-something. I remember those Chiclets magnets you had on your refrigerator and that old school rotary dial telephone that you kept in your kitchen  I remember when you started forgetting little things, like the food sitting in the microwave for hours. I remember when you were so offended that you weren't invited to Kim [my sister]'s wedding, even though we showed you pictures of you walking down the isle. I remember those difficult calls from you when you couldn't find your purse, or when you'd get lost trying to drive somewhere you'd been too a million times... I remember those difficult visits to the nursing home, and how I hated seeing you there but loved that I still got to see you...I remember the anxiety I had at your funeral, when I had to walk down the same aisle you walked at my sister's wedding, to give the offering for your service. I remember the tears rolling down my face when the choir sang "Going Up Yonder" and how I always loved that song until that moment.  I think about where I am in my life right now and the hardships that I face and wonder what kind of advice you'd give me. I think about you everyday. I talk to you everyday. I've started to see you in my personality, in my face. I think about all the stories people shared with me after you passed and how your were known for being this stylish, mouthy, outgoing, social butterfly. I want to be like you so badly. I want to leave a mark like you've left on this planet whenever it's my turn to transition. I want to see you again, in your right state of mind, and hug you, and kiss you, and laugh with you... I know you hear me. I can see the messages you send me. I can feel your presence. I know you're guiding me along this path that no one else seems to understand. You paved the way. You set the bar. I know that my strength and drive and personality and sense of independence and sassiness all come from you. I'll continue to be grateful for our unique bond and keep all of these memories for as long as my life allows me to remember. Happy Birthday, Mommie. Thank you for always being YOU ❤️

Facebook Post, April 1, 2017 (your birthday)

 I often think about those times we spent together watching TV Land, doing crossword puzzles, taking trips to Hi Neighbor where you'd always let me pick my own snack before we left. I think about sitting [in the same spot every time] with you at the Southern Jags football games and how everyone just loved Ms. Mattie. I think about your bold sassy personality and how I didn't understand it until I was much older. I remember how stylish you always were and how I loved going through your jewelry. I remember getting my hair washed in your sink and hot combed sitting on those high chairs by the counter. I remember you used to collect bells from every state that you'd traveled to. It seemed like you had a million of them in that case, but realistically it was probably about 20-something. I remember those Chiclets magnets you had on your refrigerator and that old school rotary dial telephone that you kept in your kitchen

I remember when you started forgetting little things, like the food sitting in the microwave for hours. I remember when you were so offended that you weren't invited to Kim [my sister]'s wedding, even though we showed you pictures of you walking down the isle. I remember those difficult calls from you when you couldn't find your purse, or when you'd get lost trying to drive somewhere you'd been too a million times... I remember those difficult visits to the nursing home, and how I hated seeing you there but loved that I still got to see you...I remember the anxiety I had at your funeral, when I had to walk down the same aisle you walked at my sister's wedding, to give the offering for your service. I remember the tears rolling down my face when the choir sang "Going Up Yonder" and how I always loved that song until that moment.

I think about where I am in my life right now and the hardships that I face and wonder what kind of advice you'd give me. I think about you everyday. I talk to you everyday. I've started to see you in my personality, in my face. I think about all the stories people shared with me after you passed and how your were known for being this stylish, mouthy, outgoing, social butterfly. I want to be like you so badly. I want to leave a mark like you've left on this planet whenever it's my turn to transition. I want to see you again, in your right state of mind, and hug you, and kiss you, and laugh with you... I know you hear me. I can see the messages you send me. I can feel your presence. I know you're guiding me along this path that no one else seems to understand. You paved the way. You set the bar. I know that my strength and drive and personality and sense of independence and sassiness all come from you. I'll continue to be grateful for our unique bond and keep all of these memories for as long as my life allows me to remember. Happy Birthday, Mommie. Thank you for always being YOU ❤️