Photography by Scottie O.
When I made the claim that I was ready for my life to change, the Universe called me on my bluff. Abrupt shifts have shaken me into damn-near unbearable discomfort. I've been having a hard time articulating what's going on with me. It's like a comforting discomfort where I have no idea where I'm going or how I'm going to get there. I'm scared out of my mind, but a part me knows that I'm being guided by the natural flow of my life. And that flow naturally leads me to exactly what was destined for me; as if the Universe knows something that I don't know. As if the Universe is done waiting for me to catch up. It's like my heart is already there, my intuition (spirit) is cosigning, but my mind is still skeptical. I keep telling myself that I want things to change, but the second they start to, I become tense, anxious, and afraid...
I'm practicing being present with these feelings; Actually acknowledging them and letting them work their way through me. I've given myself affirmations to reference as I'm going through this process:
- Just ride the waves and let the flow take you away.
- Never reject or question the messages. Just receive them and say "thank you."
- If you think you can't, know that you definitely CAN and soon will.
- Honor your feelings [all fifty million of them] and give yourself space to process them by any means necessary.
- You'll probably never know how, but know that you absolutely WILL get through it.
For me, the true test to whether or not I am ready to move forward with my life, was being presented with the option to revisit old relationships and having to make the decision to either fall back into old patterns/habits, or to leave them where they're at. Untie those knots in my stomach, and embrace the unknown. The beautiful thing about mistakes is that no one is exempt from making them. When you allow your ego to take a backseat, you may notice that "to lose", may actually mean "to gain." My relationship with my past has been the most challenging to part with. My past has been the ghost, haunting me as I enter new spaces. Once I release my ghost, I'll be allowed the space I need to grow. And those that enter [or have remained in] my life are here as teachers, supporters, profits, blessings...
Let Go. Let Love. Expand Your Mind. Open Your Heart. Receive These Blessings. Repeat.