I'm Still Here

Suit: Zara, Makeup: Artistry By Camille, Photography: Scott Simon (iHeartNola)

I’m still here

Despite how they want to regulate my body
Despite how they feel about my skin
I’m still here, even though they don’t want me to be
I’m still here, even though they can’t see me
I’m still here

Aside from the attempts to erase me
Aside from how that benefits you
I’m still here, even though I’m exhausted
I’m still here, even though I’m crying
I’m still here...

Ready Or Not

Photography by Scottie O.

When I made the claim that I was ready for my life to change, the Universe called me on my bluff. Abrupt shifts have shaken me into damn-near unbearable discomfort. I've been having a hard time articulating what's going on with me. It's like a comforting discomfort where I have no idea where I'm going or how I'm going to get there. I'm scared out of my mind, but a part me knows that I'm being guided by the natural flow of my life. And that flow naturally leads me to exactly what was destined for me; as if the Universe knows something that I don't know. As if the Universe is done waiting for me to catch up. It's like my heart is already there, my intuition (spirit) is cosigning, but my mind is still skeptical. I keep telling myself that I want things to change, but the second they start to, I become tense, anxious, and afraid... 

I'm practicing being present with these feelings; Actually acknowledging them and letting them work their way through me. I've given myself affirmations to reference as I'm going through this process:

1. Just ride the waves and let the flow take you away.
2. Never reject or question the messages. Just receive them and say "thank you."
3. If you think you can't, know that you definitely CAN and soon will. 
4. Honor your feelings [all fifty million of them] and give yourself space to process them by any means necessary. 
5. You'll probably never know how, but know that you absolutely WILL get through it. 

For me, the true test to whether or not I am ready to move forward with my life, was being presented with the option to revisit old relationships and having to make the decision to either fall back into old patterns/habits, or to leave them where they're at. Untie those knots in my stomach, and embrace the unknown. The beautiful thing about mistakes is that no one is exempt from making them. When you allow your ego to take a backseat, you may notice that "to lose", may actually mean "to gain." My relationship with my past has been the most challenging to part with. My past has been the ghost, haunting me as I enter new spaces. Once I release my ghost, I'll be allowed the space I need to grow. And those that enter [or have remained in] my life are here as teachers, supporters, profits, blessings... 

Let Go. Let Love. Expand Your Mind. Open Your Heart. Receive These Blessings. Repeat.       

On Purpose

Photography by Sharita A Sims

What is our purpose in this life?
Is it offered to us from an outside source?
Or is it discovered from within?
Are our purposes inherited?

I'd like to think that my purpose is something I was born with.
That as a child I had gifts wrapped inside of me that I would spend the rest of my life opening.
I'd like to think my ancestors knew who I was going to be, before I ever took my first breath.
And that since I've been here [in physical form], they've been guiding me [in spirit] through to the discovery of my true purpose.

I don't try to be deep or profound in my words.
I only speak as my heart tells me to.
I only do as I'm spiritually guided to do.
I've found that if there's something that I naturally feel or crosses my mind, it is something that I need to look further into.
If there's something that happens to or around me, I believe it is divinely timed and whatever I've done leading up to that moment has prepared me to face it.

I believe once we start to live in our truth, we start gradually discovering our purpose.
I also believe our purpose is not limited to one or two or three or a million things.
I believe our purpose is an infinite number of positions, characteristics, stages, opportunities, gifts, expressions, etc. that have already been planted inside of us.

This is just my theory...
What do you believe?

A Very Vivid Dream

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that involved a beautiful gigantic speckled black & white butterfly gracefully soaring over me. Naturally, I was mesmerized. As I moved to take a closer look, the butterfly then suddenly transformed into a gigantic owl. This gigantic owl then proceeded to charge toward & attacked me...After waking up like  I thought about what it could possibly mean. 

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From the little knowledge that I have on butterflies, I know that in dreams they can symbolize transformation. Also, that the larger the butterfly, "the greater impression I will make in a social situation." 

As for the owl...the research I've found so far states that the owl [in the context of my dream] can symbolize someone in my life that has taken keen observation of me or is keeping secrets from me. "In Owl dreams, an Owl suddenly bolting into flight symbolizes that Owls, and people, can be reckless in their pursuit of something." 

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This dream could mean a number of things. As I'm still translating, I'm starting to be more mindful of the company that I keep. Your personal environment is a reflection of what you're putting out or allowing into your life. There may be people around that are not serving you in the healthiest way. Sometimes we need to carefully curate our spaces so that we can give ourselves the breathing room we need to grow and be our best selves. Moving forward, the only kind of relationships that I'm allowing are restorative relationships. I want to feel strengthened and supported by the company that I keep, as I intend to offer the same to them.

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If there's anyone that is more experienced in interpreting dreams, please share your thoughts. I'd love to hear other perspectives on this.