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Butterflies Inside

Dress: Restored Vintage by Denisio Truitt (@denisiotruitt, @dopeciety), Coin Ring: Jordan Lewis (@_wiredandstoned) Photography: Malik Bartholomew (@phrozen_photography)

 

As I'm over here wishing to feel butterflies inside...

Butterflies keep passing me by.

I see the signs.

My life is divine.

What is time?

But a blink of an eye,

A rapid flutter of a butterfly wing.

I'm guilty.

Limiting myself to this imaginary hourglass.

My mind forcing me to make every moment last,

But these moments move too fast. 

As I reach, it's already passed. 

My ancestors are telling me,

Showing me.

Why can't I see?

Because time,

A restriction of what I can and cannot do,

Within a limited space that I move through. 

When really my space is infinite,

And my mind is encouraging this timidness.

But what I really want is...

To reach, to see, to feel, to be,

To love, to learn, to build, to earn,

To grow, to give, to care, to live 

To receive all that is already mine

This life is divine

This time...

I'm waiting to feel my light flicker,

But I'm already lit.

Waiting to be somebody else, but I'm already IT.

Seeing the signs but am I really comprehending?

Am I sewing through threads that need to be mended?

All that I truly want, is already mine. 

The stars in my galaxy have already aligned.

As I'm over here wishing for a miracle to see,

These butterflies are trying to show that the miracle is ME.

-C.M. Hamilton

Body and Soul

Wardrobe by: Haus of PRDMS, Photography By: Jeremy Tauriac

 

Tender heart

Solid soul

Sharp tongue

Soft lips

Vibrant spirit

Fragile feelings

Vivid thoughts

Wild dreams

Active mind

Keen eye

Steady hands

Quick feet

Tender. Solid. Sharp. Soft.

Vibrant. Fragile. Vivid. Wild.

Active. Keen. Steady. Quick.


My body and my soul.

 

-C.M.Hamilton (circa 2016)

To The One's Who've Broken My Heart...

You've put me through physical, emotional, and psychological pain

Wounds that I've barely allowed to heal

You've ripped my heart out a million times

And I've casually handed it right back to you

Whyyy???

How had I allowed this?

 

I guess the beauty that I saw in you , I couldn't see in me

And I was blinded from the nastiness that you gave back,

You gifted me only a piece of yourself and I gladly accepted

Because my wide open heart wanted to fill in the cavities of yours

 

Though...You've taught me a lot

Without you, I wouldn't know that I shouldn't give my heart to just anyone

That I needed to love myself more than I loved you

Without you, I wouldn't know that as tender and fragile as I can be, that at the end of it all I would actually be able to breathe again

 

From you, I've learned that my significance is not measured by the attention you give.

Or lack there of...

I know that even though my light was dimmed, it still shined brighter than yours

I know that I can not fault you for me not loving myself enough

I've learned that my heart is far more flexible than the credit I give

That without you, I am a million times better

That without you, I am myself again

That without you, I am without grief, doubt, suspicion, insecurity...

 

Without you I am whole again

You broke my heart so that I could learn how to value it.